Tomorrow may never come.

As I woke up today and rolled around in bed, I thought to myself, “what if I didn’t wake up today?”  With that thought echoing in my head, I quickly got out of bed and thanked God for allowing me to open my eyes today. I will always be thankful for life and it’s crazy to think that there was a point in my life where I took this precious time on Earth for granted. I didn’t care if I lived or died because “it was the same thing” for me. I fell into a depression I didn’t know of. I was always bitter, sad and angry at someone or something. I couldn’t smile anymore, it was so hard to laugh and I constantly asked God, why? Why was I going through this? I didn’t know what was happening, all I knew was that I didn’t want to be alive. I was so wrong. I didn’t realize that me not being on this Earth meant I was not going to be with my family anymore, I wasn’t going to enjoy those nights on the sofa watching soccer games, I wasn’t going to be there to witness my brother graduate from high school or be there for my sister when she grew older and needed me for all the boy problems. I wasn’t going to be able to enjoy Oreos and milk with my boyfriend anymore. I wasn’t going to see my dogs play or dig holes in the backyard anymore. I wasn’t going to be here anymore and that made me upset. I didn’t want to die. I realized that I wanted to live which is the opposite of surviving. When you survive, you simply exist in the middle of a hardship. That’s what I DID NOT want. I didn’t want to simply exist anymore. I didn’t want to grow older and realize that all I did on this planet was survive. I wanted life and beyond that, I wanted to live every second of it. I took it upon myself to change. It’s still very hard and there are days where I cry and simply don’t want to get out of bed, but that’s ok. The most important thing is that you TRY. TRY to get out of bed, TRY to be positive, TRY to love yourself, TRY to forgive yourself, TRY to LIVE, TRY, TRY, TRY and once you’ve tried so much, you will eventually get into the habit. I tried for so long and then one day it didn’t feel like trying anymore. It was part of who I was as a person, better said, of who I am. I decided to live because tomorrow may never come. I want to live in this world of chaos and be a light. I aspire to be different, I am different and I love it. I hope you could be different too. Society tells us it’s okay to hate ourselves or to be conform with how the world is. Society says we are nothing, but that is so wrong because we are EVERYTHING. You are everything and more, always remember that. Start to live today: go on a walk, take your dog to the park, go get some ice cream with old friends, sit in your backyard and admire God’s creation, paint your room, make some amazing lunch/dinner, watch a movie, read a book of a different genre. Do something different and you’ll see the change.

XO,

Kaay.

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